How to Use Radical Acceptance When You Can’t Do Anything

It is undeniable that the last few weeks have changed our lives dramatically. The normal hustle and bustle of day-to-day life has come to a temporary halt.

Some of us may be adjusting to this new normal fairly well, all things considered. Those of us who are homebodies and introverted by nature may enjoy saving the time, gas, money, and personal willpower it takes to be social all day.

However, for those who are more social, the adjustment may be more difficult. Either way, there are things you can do to help effectively tolerate this new reality and make it the best experience it can be.

How to Use Radical Acceptance in Wake of COVID-19

Radical acceptance is a term used in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for a skill that, when applied, can help make reality tolerable. Breaking down the term helps to understand it; in this context, “radical” means completely and “acceptance” means a willingness to tolerate something difficult.

Radical acceptance is recognizing that while you may not like, understand, or agree with the facts of reality, you recognize that they are what they are.

In order to make reality the best it can be for us, we must first accept the facts of reality. When we refuse to accept reality we are being willful. Willfulness can cause us to think and act in ways that cause more problems for ourselves.

Turning the Mind and Keeping Things in Perspective

Turning the mind is part of radical acceptance and is similar to the old saying about “making lemonade out of lemons.” Turning the mind is about making something positive out of a negative situation. Turning the mind does not mean that you must enjoy reality and it doesn’t mean that you are giving in to reality. It means that you can recognize and focus your attention on an alternate aspect of reality—one that is more healthy and effective.

Instead of “quarantine is awful, I am so bored and I can’t leave my house,” turning the mind would involve a mindset more like, “although I can’t leave my house, I am grateful that I have this time to spend with my family.” The facts of reality do not change—the way you view reality does, and that is the difference between temporary pain and permanent suffering. Turning the mind is an active choice and it may need to be done many, many times in a situation that seems unacceptable.

How to Use Other Distress Tolerance Skills to Help Manage Your Emotions

There are other distress tolerance skills that you can practice to help tolerate reality and experience more positive emotions like happiness, joy, and gratitude. Distress tolerance skills do not solve problems; they help make reality more tolerable.

• Activities: Engaging in activities that generate opposite emotions to the current distress you are experiencing can help change your mood. These activities can include looking at pictures, watching a funny movie, listening to uplifting music, or talking with a friend or loved one.
• Contribute: Do something kind for someone else. It can be as small as doing a household chore that isn’t assigned to you or making a card for a loved one. When we do nice things for others it helps us experience feelings of love, gratitude, and compassion.
• Push away painful emotions/thoughts: This skill helps manage difficult emotions and thoughts by only allowing yourself to entertain them during a specific time of the day and for a specific amount of time. Identify a time of day (not first thing in the morning or right before bed) and set a timer for 5 to 10 minutes to think and experience the negative emotions associated with the crisis. When the timer is up, move on from it and only allow yourself to think about it tomorrow during the designated time.
• Self-soothe with your senses: Use sight, sound, taste, touch, hearing, and movement to help soothe yourself during a distressing time. Eating your favorite meal and savoring each bite, meditating, lighting your favorite candle, listening to your favorite music, and taking a bath are all examples of soothing with the senses.

How to Use Emotional Regulation Skills

Emotional regulation skills can help make you less vulnerable to your negative emotions. Below are emotional regulation skills that you can practice during the coronavirus pandemic. They include:

• Taking your medication as directed.
• Engaging in physical exercise for at least 20 minutes a day.
• Meditating.
• Eating healthy and nutritious foods and minimizing your sugar and processed food intake.
• Maintaining healthy sleep hygiene; going to bed at a reasonable time every night and waking up at around the same time every morning.
• Minimizing your intake of alcohol and other substances.
• Engaging in one pleasurable activity a day.

While it may feel like your options are limited, there are things you can do to help effectively tolerate a distressing situation such as this one. Intention and application of skills can help change the way you perceive your current reality.