Do You Have Anxiety During COVID-19? You’re Not Alone

Editor’s Note: May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This article is part of a special series we’re publishing this month with personal stories, education and resources around mental health, especially managing mental health during a pandemic. If you need immediate help please contact The National Suicide Prevention Line at _ 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor for free at Crisis Text Line._

To say that many of us are feeling anxiety right now is an understatement.

Anxiety about job loss, of being sick, of worrying about our fellow humans, of the economy, and of the unknown—there’s a lot to feel stressed about right now.

We wanted to share firsthand accounts of what your fellow neighbors are going through right now. I’ll start.

Lauren, a writer from Boulder, Colorado

When the pandemic first hit, I took it very seriously—almost too seriously. I was driving my parents nuts by scolding them for any small infraction I thought they made. The reality was, and still is, my parents are taking this pandemic incredibly seriously, but because of their age (late 60s), I was, and still am, very worried about them. I had been paying close attention to the devastation hitting folks over 60 and it was making me go into a panic. Finally, I had to step away from the news for my own sanity. It’s important for me to stay informed, but I’m learning with this pandemic that sometimes you have to step away or you’ll drive yourself and your loved ones crazy. While working on this piece, my best friend’s grandmother died from the virus in New York City. Most of his family was hit by COVID-19 and to watch them go through this nightmare has been heartbreaking.

Anonymous, a retiree from Austin, Texas

My wife and I are facing the prospect of being locked up in our 1200-square foot condo with no access to greenspace for the foreseeable future. Our tiny balcony is the only way we can get outside. It’s just too risky on the street level. When we moved downtown, a pandemic never entered into our thinking. Being able to walk all over downtown was one of the reasons we took the plunge. It feels like we are being punished for something we didn’t do. And since we have to use elevators filled with the residue of other residents’ breathing to get our mail or a delivery, our whole little world has become a scary place. Thankfully, we have a wonderful relationship and we don’t get on each other’s nerves. We have all manner of books and TV shows to entertain ourselves — we are making the best of it. “This too shall pass”? Yeah, I hope so.

Kevin, an entrepreneur from Portland, Oregon

I’m the type of person others refer to as a “control freak.” Anxiety, for me, comes when I lose control. I grew up an only child. My dad died in 2017. My dear mom, 110 pounds of fitness and healthy eating, developed a chronic respiratory disease while grieving the loss of a great man. My mom lives all alone, 2,000 miles away in Texas. Her neighbors have been shrugging off COVID-19 and going about their normal routines. I’m sure their peak is just later. How do I convince my mom to stay safe when her neighbors are not? I’m banging my head against the wall.

Josh, a lawyer from Austin, TX

As an attorney, my anxiety has been super high to get certain clients out that are being held on bond. Yesterday, I had to appear at Harris County Courthouse  [160 miles away] because I had been emailing, over and over again, everyone at the court to set up a video hearing like I was told to do. No response for two weeks. I had to appear in person, and I finally got another judge to track people down for me. That should have taken five minutes over the phone. That’s basically what I’m dealing with every day. Galveston [Court House] also made me show up to federal court a couple of weeks ago. This should have been conducted through an email. All the formalities are extra stress. I appreciate the judges who can still work under remote access. It should really be that way all the time.

Leah, a non-profit employee from Anchorage, Alaska

I’m fine if I stay busy, but busy isn’t healthy. It isn’t sustainable. I work in nonprofits, so I am privileged enough to still work from home. But those of us working from home seem to be overcompensating for employment and working in overdrive. I wake up every other night at 2:30 AM and all of the thoughts about how I’m not doing enough for my job, my community, and my neighbors just floods into me. It’s a level of helplessness that is hard for me as a person who literally works to help others. It feels very easy to return to old vices right now and honestly no amount of online dance parties or Netflix binging seems to stop it from returning. I know I should create good patterns at this time, but I feel like I’m stuck in between two lives—the old way and this future way. But now—now is just uncertainty. I’ve been leaning into my rage at the systems in place that got us here. I scream at least once a week. But honestly, I’m doing better than most of my friends it seems, and that is a frightening bar.

Mara, a bar manager from New York City

I’m symptomatic and quarantining waiting for results of a test to see if I’m positive or negative. When I was at work (pre-symptoms), I just wanted to be home and safe. Now that I’m home, I want nothing more than to be at work. Because when I’m working, my anxiety can latch onto something work related and I have trained myself to deal with it logically because it’s about WORK. But now that I’m home alone and just watching The Wire, The West Wing, and Cheers on loop, there’s nothing for the anxiety to latch onto but me. I can’t work through it the way I normally do. So, I stew and cry and that makes my symptoms worse and I don’t want to eat because nothing feels good or tastes good. (I haven’t lost my sense of smell or taste yet, thank god). And of course, as my anxiety builds, the depression I’ve been working so hard to manage comes out angry that I’ve kept it at bay for so long. And then everything crumbles. And all I want is a cigarette, the absolute LAST thing I should have.

How to Get Help For Your Mental Health During COVID-19 and Beyond

If you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts right now, there is help. The Disaster Distress Hotline, as part of The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, offers immediate counseling to those affected by disasters at 1-800-985-5990. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline offers free emotional support to those with suicidal thoughts or emotional distress at 1-800-273-8255. For ongoing support, apps such as Talkspace and Betterhelp can connect you to a mental health professional (at a monthly rate). If you need to speak with a doctor or have prescriptions refilled, most health insurance carriers offer telehealth services. For more information on mental health services, visit our article on COVID-19 and grief. You are not alone.